At this turn of season and on the Longest Night we want to offer you a few practices that might be of help, particularly if you are struggling with all the merriness of festivities and not feeling it. This pause in the moment of darkness might be just what you need.
December 21 is the longest night of the year, or at least in the northern hemisphere we experience the least amount of light on this day. In some traditions this day is used as a point in the year where we remember those we have lost during the last year, or ever, if you still miss them. The loss may not be a person though, it could be a relationship, or a role, or an ability, or anything you no longer have.
From Eden:
Having lived long enough to have experienced significant loss, I can really appreciate a focus like this. Some years we set up a little “walk through” event that had stations that would give us pause to consider our losses, and who and what we had lost. We are not able to accommodate that this year, but we still want to offer a small way of acknowledging our loss right in the middle of all the Christmas festivities.
I woke up this morning thinking about my mom. She’s been gone for nearly 5 years, and she is still in my thoughts and actions most days. I can still hear her voice in my head saying funny things, wise things, practical things . . . and sometimes that thrills me, and other times it still brings tears to my eyes.
So, what I would like you to consider on this longest night as you remember your loss, is this:
What gift did that person/relationship/role etc., give you, that you still treasure?
I was born on Christmas Eve, which is such an impractical time to be born! I had two older sisters (4&5) who would definitely miss having their mommy around on Christmas morning. But it wasn’t just the actual day I was born that was challenging, it was every single year after that that would be challenging too. And yet, my mom did not skimp on celebrating my birthday, no matter what else was happening on Christmas Eve! There were birthday presents with birthday wrapping, and birthday cake, and a birthday meal! And though it wasn’t on Christmas Eve, I always had a birthday party with friends too.
The gift my mom gave me was showing me my value, even when it wasn’t convenient. I haven’t considered that in a long time, and sadly, I think I have put that gift away in a closet that I seldom go into. But as I recall how magical my birthday felt as a child, how I imagined that the entire world stopped to pause for “my birthday”, I think I need to recover that gift. Not for the magic, but for the thoughtful consideration of holding onto my own value and taking care of myself.
What gift were you given that this loss cannot take from you?
How can you unwrap this gift again, to appreciate the giver, and the gift once again?
Another way in: Light a candle
Light a candle
See it glow
Watch it dance
Remember the light
Of the person
You have lost
They shine
Even still
In memory
Consider and name the deepest sorrow you have experienced through the loss of the person or through whatever has been hard that you want to honour.
Consider and name the greatest joy this person or situation brought you.
Consider and name the most ordinary thing you miss about this person’s presence or the normalcy of the time and place you are honouring.
Another way in: Hang an ornament to honour your loved one
You could choose an ornament you already have and add a small tag to it with the person’s name and hang it in pride of place on your tree.
You could buy a new ornament for the person you are remembering and again add a tag, or if you would like it personalized Sarah will be happy to do that for you.
Another way in: Something to release
Consider what you may be holding on to that is not of good use for your heart.
If that were an object, what would it look like?
Where do you carry that on your body?
Ask Jesus to show you what he would replace that with?
Are you willing to let go of that difficult or painful or unproductive piece of your sorrow and loss?
If yes, give that to Jesus and receive what he has for you instead. When you feel that negative or unproductive piece rise again, just make that trade again with Jesus. There is no limit to how many times you can make this exchange.
If no, consider why you feel you still want to hold onto it, and when you are ready, have that chat with Jesus.
Another way in: Write it out
Perhaps your loss is less tangible. Perhaps your grief is complicated in that the person still lives but the relationship is broken, or they are lost to you through addiction, illness, dementia, or other situation.
It could be that your loss is not human. Loss is loss whether it is a person, a pet, your health, a job, or a thing. Loss is loss and there is no competition to be the one with the greatest loss tonight. If you feel it as loss, if you mourn its passing then it is loss and we honour it. It is good to name the reasons for our sadness.
Take a moment to write it all down.
We can start to feel what we can name. It is okay to sit with the pain for a time, to honour loss or illness or doubt or fear.
God of all comfort, thank you that we are not alone. There are others sitting beside us in the darkness. We take to heart the knowledge that you are a God who understands our suffering.
As we enter this busy time of Christmas, we don’t have to set our losses aside. We can embrace them as we remember who and what and how we received the gifts they gave, and how these gifts can be renewed in our lives this Christmas.
And finally, a few breath prayers:
Inhale: even in my grief
Exhale: I am held in love
Inhale: all of my emotions and experiences
Exhale: are worthy of honour and being seen
Inhale: My sadness is allowed
Exhale: I honour it without judgement
Inhale: Jesus, son of God
Exhale: have mercy on me.
Sending you much love
Eden and Sarah